ok this is going to be long. And everyone who goes lalaling "vee has got a boyfriend" or similar will be whacked around the head.
Saturday I decided to do something I had not done in a very long time and go to the usual place.
I met a guy from uni outside, which was nice. But also in some ways, worrying, because I always worry. We ended up staying for a while, then he walked me home and we got to talk a bit. He seems like a nice interesting guy, although I was a bit taken aback that he warned me not to fall in love with him. Hmmmmm. Why do all males think I want to fall, or already am, deeply in love with them? It makes things awkward. I have observed this phenonemon with half of my male friends, lately, and that is only the ones I know about.
It was nice being walked home, though I refused to let him come up, with the excuse my place is too much of a mess and I would not like that. (True, actually, I do not like spontaneous visits, because I like to clean everything up and hoover and do all dishes before someone visits. Plus my flat is my only refugium to fully shut out the world.)
I also feel bad because he hugged me a few times and I did not resist because I was sad and in the need of hugs but I do not want to lead anyone on either. Now, he did warn me of himself, also, so I should not be worried, but I do feel guilty also.
And I know I do not want a boyfriend here in Innsbruck, because I will be leaving this town in two years time. And I do not want to "force" anyone to move with me (plus it would require more planning so I would be stuck here longer) or stay here because of someone and hold it against them one day.
Plus, we all know I treat my friendships very intensly, and get upset about things when they do not work out, so a romance gone wrong is not something I want to risk right now.
So, romance, for now must wait.
But yeah, it would be nice to have a friend to hang out with or to go for walks with or things like that.
But I am worried about the implications of making friends with a guy now. I do not want to push anyone anyway but I also do not want to lead anyone on. And with a guy there is always the risk about him being led on. Even if he has warned me not to fall for him, and therefore either might be after something casual (not for me) or platonic friendship (agreed).
I wish he was a girl.
10:58 a.m. - 2003-12-15
Recent entries:
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