If you're my friend or have known me for a while you probably know that I've never had a boyfriend.
You will also know that I've never had "casual sex" or even "made out" with a guy.
Now: I do not think this is a big deal. it wouldn't be different in the least bit if I had been in a relationship before. The fact is, simply, right now I am single and right now I don't have sex.
And I don't want to kiss or make out with or make love to someone I don't have any romantic feelings for.
That's just me. It's less a moral thing than an emotional one.
I do not feel physically comfortable with people I do not know or trust. And kissing or other activities are too intimate (for me) to share with someone I am not attached to.
Now, please, I know this. I know what makes me feel comfortable when I am with a person. And I know being casually close to a relative stranger would not. I want to take things slowly. Hugs, holding hands, later kissing and so on. Not all at once on the first night. Ideally, I'd prefer to start out as friends.
I am not a virgintm. I am just someone who currently doesn't have sex who happens to be a virgin. I don't wear my hymen on my sleeve but in conversations about sex it comes up inevitably.
For me this is no different from saying "I don't like ice cream" but some people (who admittedly mean extremly well with me) seem to think it is somewhat ... odd.
Why is it less normal to say "I don't have sex, because it doesn't feel right to me under these circumstances." than "I have sex because it feels right to me."? Noone feels sad about me not liking ice cream but people do feel sad for me not having sex. Why?
Actually. I'd like to rephrase this. Why do people feel sad for me, for never having had sex, ever, instead of just for me not having sex now. The latter would make, somewhat at least, sense.
Why does this make me more of an oddity than a regular single person who had sex partners before?
I am nearly 27 and a virgin who has never kissed, so WHAT?
I find this concern a bit disturbing because this means I have to explain myself, or tell people not to worry and I have to try to stay civil because I like my friends and they mean well. But it sometimes tires me because I don't feel like an oddity for my lack of sexual history. I mean, come on!
2:46 p.m. - 2003-09-12
Recent entries:
peeking in - 2006-01-23
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so ... - 2005-01-25
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