I went to see "All About Love". It's good. You might want to see it.
The outlook on the future is very bleak but in a lot of ways it it's not much different from our times. Only a lot colder.
I was walking home afterwards very slowly, I felt so heavy, nearly as bad as in these dreams I sometimes get where I walk and I get heavier and heavier until I collapse or have to hold on to something. Well maybe not that bad.
I carried two magazines and some man remarked on them as he passed so I said something back and went on my way.
A bit later, out of nowhere he appeared behind me. I got very frightened and screamed and he was all "hahhaha sorry".
I shot him a glare and changed to the other side of the road, he followed a bit farther up the street so I went back again trying to hail a taxi but none stopped. So I stood by the videostore for a while watching people coming out. And after a while I'd calmed down enough to walk home. Sometimes I'd like to carry a knife, just to frighten that sort of person.
I got home, and the people who'd come out of the videostore turned out to be living in my house. If I'd known I would have walked with them.
This is the second time this year I panicked, the first was on deck of the ship when two guys appeared out of nowhere, laughing.
I thought I was over that, it's been two years, and nothing *much* happened back then, I probably was lucky. But it seems there are still situations that frighten me, mostly related to people appearing very sudden out of nowhere.
I wish I wouldn't be so frightened all the time. I wish I wouldn't get as attached to people as I do. I wish I wouldn't miss people. I wish some random moron creeping up from behind wasn't able to scare me.
random fact #14: I was a weird kid
When people asked me "Are looking forward to going to school" I told them I wasn't, not because I really wasn't but to spite them. I must have been around four or five.
At around the same age I once smashed a lot of plates at once because I wanted to test how the kindergarten teacher would react to that.
A couple of years later, at elementary school, when the teacher told us we should all be grateful to god for creating us, I piped up to state that I wasn't. I didn't believe in a god, so the idea seemed wrong to me.
11:47 p.m. - 2003-08-10
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